• ABOUT T

    My name is T. I am from the planet ZyX. I come from a world where there is no famine, war, disease, hatred, greed, environmental degradation, abuse, exploitation, neglect of any kind, and, where everyone lives a very, very long time. But it was not always this way. Our race followed a similar path not too unlike your own on your world, and wound up destroying not only countless lives and ‘lesser’ species, but nearly eradicated life on our planet in its entirety…

    Connect with T in this noble cause.

    ‘Lost in Love’ is to be the first commercially-recorded album of the rock opera ‘Southern Time’. The album is the rock opera’s overture, and designed to garner the support and awareness for our organization’s larger goals.

    ‘Southern Time’ is about the need for peace and harmony between ‘the North’ and ‘the South’—from a global perspective. The disparities between these regions and domains, and the lack of willingness for the relatively privileged to reach out, is what our project is designed to address.

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    About T

    continued from the About page ~

    “Finding out I was HIV positive, after everything I went through with the professor, at first, felt like the straw that broke the camel’s back. Soon after, though, processing that I had just acquired an early grave and the chances of finding true love seemingly now completely extinct, I nearly lost my mind and the will to live. Only my mother’s love and my desire to be vindicated kept me alive. As an escape, I began to solidify my imaginations of what I might be, inspired by the dream of ‘T’ I had when I was fifteen, which had now evolved into the rock, and mock star ~ T ~.

    “Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”~ Harriet Tubman

    I floundered in jobs that were not fulfilling, depressed with this ghastly, stigmatized label, until I took a stab at an HIV-positive dating site on the net. Thank Love the internet came about not too long after HIV did!  I began talking to a girl from the States and within one week I flew down to Los Angeles to meet her. Soon after I got off the plane and met her, though, I knew our relationship was not going to work.  I believe she felt the same. But, being young and naive, we ignored our intuitions. We married a few months later and fought every waking moment as we had nothing in common other than the virus. It ended after only eight months. I came back to Vancouver, December, 2001.

    “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try, try, try again.” ~ Michael Chang

    I was deathly determined to follow my musical machinations now, as I had written what I had thought were a few potentially kick-ass songs. I went on disability, moved into the city, got a part-time job I could stand, joined bands, and started living the remaining of my twenties feeling, at least, somewhat fun and free. In 2003, I started writing a rock opera telling my story which used the songs I had written so far, recorded its demo album by the summer of 2005, and produced, starring as T, ‘Southern Time the First Act’ which ran for seven nights in Vancouver; December of that year.

    I surprised myself by this endeavor. Though it was not a commercial success, it was an immense confidence boost, and extremely cathartic in that I had finally made a tangible attempt to not be a victim anymore.

    I began to have at least some results, albeit mixed ones, with the opposite sex too.  I toured a two-person version of ‘Southern Time’ the rock opera with one of these ladies who was and still is a great friend of mine for parts of 2007 and 2008.  We settled in Toronto where we lived as starving artists. 

    LIFE ISN’T ABOUT FINDING YOURSELF. LIFE IS ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF. ~ GEORGE BERNARD SHAW ¥Φ¥

    Then I began to get ill. I started taking HIV medications immediately after my diagnosis in 1996 for two years, but stopped taking them and having my health monitored for the following ten years. For me, I guess, it was just too much to handle, being reminded two or three times a day of this unpleasant fate life had dealt me, and of the way I got it. 

    In 2009, the virus took its toll on me. In March, my mom flew to Toronto and brought me back to Vancouver. One week later, in a delirious stupor I walked to her kitchen, pulled a knife from a cupboard, and tried to slit my wrist. I only made a few scratches. She found me, called 911, and I was put into palliative care for two months. I was in liver failure, my central nervous system rifled with Cytomegalovirus,a viral load of 410,000, and a CD4 count less than 10. My lowest weight was 95 lbs. When my infections were brought under control, I started taking HIV medications. I take them to this day and my immune system is strong again. Everything that was wrong with me physically was made right, except for some lower spinal cord damage which remains.

    After spending an additional four months in the hospital in acute care, I moved into an apartment of my own. Though life has presented challenges since, I have been handling them in a much calmer, positive, and more honest way.

    And now…

    … introducing …

    Lyrics

    Celebrate

    Poor Soul was a dreamer, Poor Soul’s now a dead dreamer Poor souls are all just wieners, Poor Soul needs to be freer Poor souls are all just screamers, Poor Soul needs to believe her Poor souls are all only lemurs, Poor Soul needs to just be here and…
     
    Celebrate your happiness, and delegate, the horrors of excess!
     
    Ever say “it’s never enough”? There’s always room for more stuff Believe that hole you feel, will only go away the more you steal In our minds we try, to deny white lies, but as we soon shall see, this is no way to eternity!
     
    So we celebrate our cutting the corners, we celebrate our lives We try to rectify our honor, by justifying our lies! And we don’t know when we’ll put to an end this madness we call ‘love’ For what we love is to kill what we can, then to say it came from above!
     
    Try, try, and you cry ~ poor babies! But try, try, and they die! ~ Africa!
     
    Celebrate your happiness, (your happy penises!) and delegate the horrors of excess! (‘Happy’ excesses!)
     
    Bring on the horsemen, da sheep will endorse them, apocalypse awaits our ever-fading voices Wherever we find peace, we immediately destroy it, where there’s love we just can’t afford it As long as we can have our celebrations, and worry not much about humiliations The world will survive ‘til the next generation, or so we tell ourselves…
    “We don’t need to listen!”
     
    To the cries of the billions disenfranchised, if only pain was money, we’d be poor countries! If only we could see what they see, would we feel so lonely in our self-pity?
     
    So sad it is that we can’t see how Sad it is that we just won’t help Those who need our ‘help’ the utmost Like those who need to be just themselves, away from us?!
     
    Celebrate your happiness, (happy penises!) and delegate the horrors of excess! (Excess!)
     
    But Jesus Christ will save us, from those who might blame us; the righteous souls will live… Forever’s for never, and never’s not enough, when people are crying, crying and dying
     
    And the Earth is hurting, hurting and yearning, for a short time ago, when we were as one Where beautiful sky was all we could see, the heavens, the stars, the sun and the sea, when life was a dream!
     
    Try, try, and you cry ~ poor babies! Try, try, and you cry ~ poor babies! But try, try, and they die ~ everyone!
     
    Celebrate (liberate!) your happiness, (your happy penises!) and delegate (litigate!) the horrors of excess! (of your excess)
     
    Poor Soul, dead Dream, let US, be what we be!

    Credits

    released June 20, 2015 Music, lyrics, and main vocals by Timothy Bartsch. Backing vocals in the hip hop section by Melanie Kilsby. Guitarist ~ P.D. Wohl. Producers ~ Timothy Bartsch, P.D. Wohl and Richard Dolmat. Recording engineers ~ Richard Dolmat and P.D. Wohl.

    Poor Soul

    Inspired by the angels and demons in my soul, and by the events of September 11th, 2001.

    Lyrics

    Poor soul, such a poor soul You make me sick soul, acting so old Was it too hard for you, to follow a rule Was it too mean for you, to follow a dream?
     
    You’re a dead dreamer, Dreamer dead dreamer You’re the wasted life, the tear that dried Was it too hard to sense, to your brain so dense That you lost the fight, that you gave up your right
     
    You never, gave to me What I could take You never tried to understand my pain
     
    So Dreamer dead dreamer, My, you scream at those screamers Why don’t they believe in your lies Don’t they get lost in your cries?
     
    Is it them that you blame For your going insane? Why can’t you admit that you’re wrong Why is it so hard to be strong?
     
    You only hurt yourself By this deceiving of yourself Into thinking you matter When it’s just your ego that’s got fat!
     
    You may be able to fool Those dead dreamers like you But I know the truth This part of you is no fool
     
    You never, gave to me What I could take You never tried to understand my pain
     
    So is this what we’ve cum to It’s yourself you make love to Oh, please spare me those tears It’s only yourself, you fear
     
    Oh, I suppose you could change Like get some balls, sound so strange? Or just keep being so quiet And keep letting those in control, pilot
     
    You came, and you gave Me more than I could take And now, that you’re gone I’m left with your mistakes
     
    Never again will I be suckered You’re the one who’s mother-fuckered “Sing to me, bring my tea!” ~ bullshit! More like, “You could never be better than me”
     
    “Drink to my piss” ~ you’ll never get this;) “I’m goin be yo basterdized best kiss!” The world will beat you, never again greet you They will see that your student has freed you
    Credits
    released August 17, 2011 Music and lyrics by Timothy Bartsch Mixed by Richard Dolmat of Digital Sound Magic Mastered by Alex Degrace of Suite Sound Labs Vocals, cello, piano, keyboard, synth sounds by Timothy Bartsch Sound effects provided by P. D. Wohl Recorded by Timothy Bartsch, P. D. Wohl and Richard Dolmat Engineered by P. D. Wohl and Richard Dolmat Produced by Timothy Bartsch

    Imaginary

    An epiphany I had of how humanity’s journeyed from hunter-gatherers to civilization. I recognize to find peace within myself, I must live knowing where my roots are from, who and what’s come before me, and where I, and humanity, might go from here.

    Lyrics

    I came to you You came to me And all that I see Is you in me And that’s, all I’ll ever be
     
    The price to pay The soul to keep My eyes do see Imaginary And that’s, all I’ll ever be
     
    And though my life is yours It’s mine to reap! And though you may laugh My soul will eat And that’s, all I’ll ever be
     
    There’ll be a time (there’s never enough, never enough, never enough when…) When all will see (there’s never enough, never enough, never enough when…) Imaginary (will we be, will he be, will he be, will he be) In all glory (will he be, will we be, will he be, ever free, ever free, ever free, ever free, ever)
     
    Shadows cross the sun! To y’all who close your eyes But I say aloud There will be nowhere to hide! And that’s, all I’ll ever be

    Credits

    released May 30, 2014 Music and lyrics by Timothy Bartsch Vocals and sequenced synth sounds by Timothy Bartsch Background vocals by Cheryl Guerrero Guitars by P. D. Wohl Sound effects by P. D. Wohl and Richard Dolmat Recorded by Timothy Bartsch, P. D. Wohl and Richard Dolmat Engineered by P. D. Wohl and Richard Dolmat Produced by Timothy Bartsch

    Desert Moon

    Landing on a desert moon, I hope I wish I could die There’s nothing here but wasted tears, my mouth, my soul so dry Just sand and wind in this infernal dance, without any place to cry But I must be strong, but I can’t go on, and I just can’t lay down and die I flew too long without any fears, I flew right past that line My soul wouldn’t take all those wasted years, and now its roots have run dry My starship ran out of all its fuel, this moon the last place to fly And now I’m all alone, with no place to go, but to sit here, rot and die And I had a chance to live, but I chose this moon instead My life could have been so grand, but I chose to make this stand Yeah, I tried so long to write a song, that no one would ever hear My voice just travels in the wind, never to be heard from again My laughter’s gone ~ is just a beat-up gong… Well, at least there’s night and day To watch me and these goings-on, in these dances of internal strife My only friend is the ship I’m in, though she’s hurt but so am I She talks to me and I talk to her, though I know she’s not alive Just a food supply, oh how I wish I could die, to find a way to win It’s a hopeless cause I already lost, ’cause now I only live And I had a chance to live, but I chose this moon instead My life could have been so grand, but I chose to make this stand And the only way that I can see, that I will ever be free Is if someone starts thinking of me, and that happens not to be me And when they find me I hope they will like me, or I’ll have to send them away For I’ve been through enough, to deal with that kind of stuff The reason I came here in the first place My mission was to search for new life, but all I found was this moon Sure, I found new faces, lots of funny new faces, but was it really anything new? So I came here at last, to get away at last, ‘cause there’s nothing better to do Oh, I hope I’m wrong, (oh, I hope I’m not wrong) If you hear this song, can you please tell me what to do?

    Lost in Love

    Lost in love, I’m lost in love Shedding life, I cannot shine Let me be, oh precious tree That leaves, me souring light Can’t you see, the casualty
    That you’ve made… I’ve made me?
     
    Lost in love, I’m lost in love
    She’s so pretty, I cannot touch
    But maybe, she will like me
    In heaven, or something closer
    To the ground, where I am under
    God forbid, I will be loved
     
    Summertime a long time ago
    Your roots first awakened my soul
    You gave me a reason to live
    Your beauty was my motive to give
     
    Now maybe there’s someone else to love?!
    Who will reciprocate my love
    I will not have to be such a pain
    We will share and our love will remain!
     
    Freedom, freedom!
    Lies within our souls
    Cherishing boundaries
    Protects our hearts from stones
     
    I’m not lost in love, not lost in love
    I’m shining bright, in tune to the Light
    Those days, when my heart ached
    Are over, and good riddance
    For I’ve found, what my heart needs
    And it isn’t, some tree…
     
    I’m lost in love, lost in love
    She’s so perfect, she’s what I want
    And though there’s days, when we must be strong
    There is always, time to belong
    I love her, and she loves me
    ‘Till the end of time

    Orange

     
    Orange, orange brights my mind
    No other color does the same
     
    Purple, yellow
    Blue is not orange
    Red is not orange
    Blue becomes orange
     
    Orange, orange
    Brights my mind
    No other color does the same

    Change

    Change, change
    In the best way possible
    Lunge, plunge
    In a particular manner
    That differs from past ones
    Are you starting to catch my drift?
    This is the only
    Way to make things better
    Don’t get complacent
    Or you’ll never get out of ol’ patterns
    Should you, want to
    Be that beautiful thing, then
    Change, rearrange
    Leads to brighter birthdays
    Love you, live you
    There’s always room for tomorrow
    Change, long-range
    It’s an action word
    Now you’re familiar
    With the glass enigma of Change
     
    Change, it’s never too late
    Keep raising the bar, reach for the bait
    Then, you’ll see a new way
    That never before, configurates
    The power of Change!
     
    So let me, tell you
    How I’ve come to harness
    The power of positive change
    Delayed, balanced, gratification
    Inner, not outer
    Your outer world will follow
    Change, sustain
    What you put out comes back
    Your light, will shine, evermore brightly
    And as you’re, inspired
    Your knowledge won’t go unnoticed
    Create, illuminate
    How things are made better
    For one, for all, responsibility
    Change, change
    It’s the nature of you and me

    Neville

    The Neville inside, the angel above
    The devil below
    What more can I show?
    The truth is plain, I meant aero-plane
    That flies overhead
    Even while I’m dead
    Won’t you play with me, have a cup of T
    Sweet sugar in bed
    Just call me Ted
    Oh, Neville
     
    The hunter inside, she gathers beside
    She isn’t insane
    Nor is she plain
    She’s a creature of God, doesn’t know the word fraud
    She isn’t a bitch
    Only bewitched
    Shining her light, to Neville’s delight
    Oh, Sherryll Might
    Be that spiral flight
     
    The child inner, blest be still here
    When having your own
    You’re loving your home
    A shelter to groom, let themselves assume
    Who they’re meant to be
    Not just you and me
    Praise to God they be, something more than
    Anyone can see
    That’s baby boy, baby girl
    Trans-special
     
    This life is a gift, don’t let it be missed
    Cherish every kiss
    Go out and play
    Choose what you are, raise the bar
    Challenge every star, and then you’ll
    See what the madness is made of
    You’ll be that better man
    Never fear, you’ll get there
    My friends
     
    So here we are, what a miracle it is, just to is
    Never mind the awe
    To imagine God, to dream of you
    To marry me
    We journey this life, together in strife
    We’ll never be the only ones alone
    Take this bone, take it home
    Neville

    Time

    Time, goes so slowly
    Goes, so slowly
    That’s time
     
    And when
    I once walked
    I purged the burden
    And I sung
    Oh yeah, yeah
    Oooooo
     
    And time goes by…
     
    And now
    I can’t see
    What is happening to me
    This is not who I am!
     
    And I
    Am a god
    This mortal shell is a fraud
    I won’t die!
     
    ‘Cause I am
    A free son of God
    I breathe the Soul
    I am time
     
    And time shines on you
     
    ‘Cause we are
    Free children of God
    We breathe the Soul
    We are time

    Baby

    Baby, oh, pretty baby
    Why can’t they see, why you’re so pretty?
    Beauty, you’re such a beauty
    You’re so lovely
    Cute, warm and cuddly
     
    If the world was this
    Loving truth, honesty and bliss
    We can live for ourselves
    By getting over ourselves
    Really, challenging ourselves
     
     
    Baby, oh, pretty baby
    You see much more, than most know
    Truly, you speak the truth
    Unabashed by, wholly Love’s light
     
    If the world was this
    Loving truth, honesty and bliss
    We can live for ourselves
    By living for others
    Is really loving ourselves
     
    Loving like baby

    Enough

    O can’t you see this is
    What you did to me?
    And can’t you see what he did was
    Was what you did to him?
    O can’t you see
     
    O can’t you see, what you did to me
    This is too much for me to believe
    And can’t you see, what you did to him
    This is too much for me to agree with
     
    There was supposed to be something to show
    For all of the pain
    There was just a kick in the head instead
    God where is the justice in this world
    It seems we’d be better of being dead
     
    But can’t you see what he did was
    What he did to himself?
    And can’t you see that there’s no one
    To blame but yourselves?
     
    But can’t you see that that’s not enough
    When people, are dying?
     
    O where’s the love, that you spoke of
    Where were you when we were young?
    ‘Cause now we’re only, trying to find some sanity
    That might explain why
    We won’t help those in need
     
    My dears there’s nothing to fear
    We are, all still here
    Can’t you see there is nothing to worry about
    While we are near?
     
    But can’t you see that it’s not enough
    When people, are dying?
     
    But it’s not so bad
    We are trying
    Though it may seem like it’s
    Not enough
     
    Yes it’s so bad
    We are in misery
    Can’t you see that it’s
    Not enough?
     
    Rest, dears
    We are all still here
    With, us
    There is nothing to fear
     
    But can’t you see that that’s not enough
    When people, are dying!?!
    Can’t you see that it’s not enough
    When people, when will people
    Have enough?

    Searching For Love

    Searching for love I fall on my knees, forever diseased I knocked at your door, In the hopes to find peace, forever forlorn

    It’s you I must have, But it’s you who won’t give what I need so bad So I’m at loss…

    I sold my soul For a penny of love from that goddess above But what did I get? But a colorless hole filled with sorrow and death

    I tried my best But it never seemed to pass that test So I’m lonesome and bored (he’s a mirror of us)

    ~

    Hey Dead Dreamer, dreamer, dead Dreamer My you scream at those screamers Don’t they believe you’re still a dreamer?

    Is it them that you blame, for your going insane? Can’t you admit that you’re wrong? Is it really hard to be that strong?

    You only fool yourself by this blaming of someone else For the pain that you feel, you fear you’ll never feel real

    Where your one sole desire Is to be a bad liar You announce to the world You can only cry “HER!”

    ~

    But I came to you! In the hopes to receive the will to believe But what did I get? But, a pat on the head, a stab in the back

    So what’s there to say? But, “sorry man, you were just too late Maybe another time, we’ll have to see.”

    ~

    My Dread Dreamer, you’re such a screamer… What really is your point, did we really disappoint you?

    Is there no way that you can see, that you really are already free By continuing to choose this strife, you’ll only waste your life?

    There is a way to be free, you only have to believe, You are free!!! As we all are free!

    • ~ •

    For the future’s full Of wasted chances, pestilential nances Don’t be fooled, you could prove to be one of Death’s danced-ons.

    Life can be great! Just hold on, it’s never too late And one day you’ll see (we’ll all see)…

    The reason we believed…

    You

    Finding you was so good to be true Yeah, I’ll never forget you for that I was lost, and you were the light I saw And now I cry ’cause I really should’ve died, I only ask for bliss Loving you, is the moment, I exist…

    My heart calls out for all that’s good And my heart yearns to kiss All that’s round with beautiful sounds But I am sure to miss

    Will my life have anything to say Or will it be just another rainy day? Loving you is an easy thing Yes, it gives me a lot of hope Beautiful things give meaning to those without And never forget, the power you hold, don’t be shy either Poor souls like me need shiny ropes to hold

    And now I see… the end is near But still I’ll, never give up What I saw in you, was so divine And when I die, I’ll be kissing the sky But really I’ll be kissing you My heart, forever, yearns for you…

    Raise the Bar

    Raise the bar, mock star Raise the bar, rock star…

    All I ever wanted to believe Was to be as free as Je ~ sus was the only one who could fly And now that I won’t die

    There is a beautiful thing inside Each of our angry and holy eyes We see the need for peace and humanity But will we challenge ourselves?

    To be the best that we can be Until everyone of us is free Our happiness is not others suffering We can all have what we want

    As long what we want does not Take away from what others need We’re talking about a higher morality Only then will we be free

    Da, da-da  Da-da  Da-da

    Our sunny souls will make us whole

    Da, da-da  Da-da  Da-da

    Shine, you rock of ages! You’re the man who sold the world

    But, what you said Was right, true and good Will we live, up, to what we could?

    We are free?

    Raise the bar, mock star Raise the bar, rock star We are free!!!

    All I ever wanted to believe Was to be as free as Je ~ sus was the only one who could fly And now that we won’t die!

    There is a special thing inside Each of our angry and holy eyes We see the need for peace and humanity But will we challenge ourselves?

    To be the best that we can be Until everyone of us is free Our happiness is not others suffering We can all have what we want

    As long what we want does not Take away from what others need We’re talking about living life in reality Only then will we be free

    To see everybody as ourselves To be everybody as ourselves Oh, hell, we’re talking about loving ourselves Only then will we be free

    To give without being asked To not expect in return There is not room in a just world for apathy Only then will we be free

    To dream of beauty, love and truth To dream of all that makes you swoon We’re talking about true immortality Only then will we be free

    Black, White, Chinese, Gay, Brown, Jew It really doesn’t matter what you do The world we live in is a choice we make Only then will we be free

    Sweet Shame

    Sweet shame I know your name I play your game It’s all the same

    And darling I see you everyday You won’t go away My heart is crying

    I shed a tear Every time you want me near Every time I feel the fear I might be dying

    And to hell with all the rest I want to live again I want to give again Oh no more lying

    I never thought you’d still be here After all those guilt-rid years But what, did I expect?

    Laughter came at such a price With everything but sugar and spice Isn’t there, another way?

    You never gave to me what I could take You never showed grace You never gave to me what I could take You never showed grace

    Laura

    So here we are So near, and yet so far We hold in each other’s arms In the hopes to be strong Don’t you see my friend What we could be my friend?

    And though we fall We fall so very hard We stand together In the hopes to belong Don’t you see my friend What we could be my friend?

    Laura, I love you Laura, my love

    Live, survive and love Heaven’s not from above

    Hold on, reach for life! Life will reach for you We are together No matter what we do

    And though, we may belong We strive for what’s good Will we pray, for What we could?

    Belief is being

    Pain is our treasure It brings us to what we know

    But will we move on To the show of Light and darkness Brings us to Life

    So now we see What reality could be We be what we believe And love

    Oh, you see my friend What we could be my friend

    December

    Sunday, Sunday Monday morning Mourning for the sky Moving, moving for the moment The moment when we cry ‘Cause there we shall find the pain What makes us so insane The moment we all fear The danger of despair

    Curse me, for my loving tender The heart that never quits! Being some sort of ‘believing brother’ Amidst the hardening hits I am but a butterfly A poignant desperate cry A moment to remember As a life lost in December

    And we shall never know What the world could hold If we had only tried The world may not have died

    Tuesday, Tuesday Wednesday pain No more crying in the rain! Promises that were to be met Just can no longer be kept We have to find that love so tender We lost that loving splendor We have to search throughout the night For that brandished, crystallized Light

    And we shall never know What the world could hold If we would only try The world may not yet die!

    Thursday, Thursday Friday fun We’re laughing in the sun! Wishing we could all be here Where the work’s all done! ‘Cause here we’re all just fine Laughin’ all the time! I’m lookin’ forward to seein’ ya again My everlasting friends!!

    Someday, we’ll all be here Waiting for the rest, without fear Cherishing, tender moments That everybody shares And we all are just all right Lovin’ in the Light Lookin’ forward to seeing you soon In the light of the everlasting moon

    But we shall never know What the world could hold If we would only try May the world never die

    Saturday, Saturn’s finished the run As his song`s all gone I hope you, I hope you found your love As Life lets Love be done I am but a butterfly A poignant desperate cry A moment to remember As a life lost in December

    The Red Cello Blues

    One day I found love One day Love Found me And now I can’t see Why love’s left me

    ~•~

    She is such a beauty Like no other Could be Why she left me Is such a sad, pity

    ~•~

    And why can’t I forget her? She has already Forgot me Why does love have to be So cruel, cold and petty

    The red cello blues The red cello blues The red cello blues The red cello blues

    And now that I’m Without love It’s you I think of Why you move me Must be in your beauty

    The red cello blues The red cello blues The red cello blues

    The red cello blues The red, white, and blue The red cello blues The red, white, and blue

    Trust

    Trust, baby, trust me Baby Can I trust you?

    Maybe, baby One day, you’ll see My baby, you can trust me I am true I love you

    Oooo, Ahhhhhhhh

    You never, said to me What I should do You never promised the truth And now, that I doubt you Please say to me I trust you

    Trust, baby, trust me Baby Can I trust myself?

    Sunny Day

    On a sunny day I wrote a song On a sunny day I rode along Missed the cradle in that turn And now I’m, all messed up

    On a sunny day I left home Couldn’t take those burning tears I tried to make her not fear The loneliness of being alone

    On a sunny day I made her wait I tried to love but was too late I missed that crux in that bull’s eye I missed that moment that never lies And now I’ve thrown away that heart that saves

    That saves

    Southern Time

    Southern time The winds sublime A radiant light shines on bygone crimes But still there is This shadow of hate Still there is A shadow of hate

    Northern nights A time to remember The skies alight The month of December Will the rain fall Will the rain fall for everyone?

    Never again will the sun go down…

    So here we are, after ten thousand years! So civilized we be, yet still we fear Was it really worth it To conquer and hate Or did it just bring More hate and fear?

    There was a time When work was like play When food was for the taking Air and water the same And it can be like that again Where everyone has Y’all we have to do Is believe it can!!!

    Never again will the sun go down

    Christ

    Christ, let us, Find true love And be, true love Life, life Help, our poor eyes And kiss, those poor eyes To show those poor eyes Where to go

    So this super-hero knocked at my door When I saw her I immediately, I fell to the floor I said, “Goddess, my god, you must be from the stars!” But she didn’t say a word, just looked at me

    I said, “Please sit down, may I offer you some ‘T’? Can I get you a bite to eat, perhaps a massage for free? Whatever it is you like, I offer you it of me!” But she didn’t say a word, just looked at me

    Christ, let us Love ourselves And just be ourselves Life, life Help US to believe Believe in Love For life, without love Is just not really life

    But after some time with her just standing at the door I got quite unnerved with her just standing at the door Staring at me without saying a word Able to only watch her super-powers emanate from her

    Her eyes then began to captivate me I began to see the way she see the universe she sees When suddenly it hit me, my heart almost stopped I couldn’t believe what I thought I’d thought!

    Christ, dead Dreamer Believe her Life really loves itself Hold onto your heart dear Hold it without fear We can really Be free from ourselves But try, as we might…

    So this über-‘clean’ hero just kept staring at me Without saying a word, being as quiet as can be Beautiful, flawless in every sense of the word Almost something from a comic book A piece of heaven on Earth…

    I began to look around trying to find something to do To find some way to please her so she’d at least enter the room But no matter what I did she just kept standing at the door Shining so brightly like a Christmas star!

    Christ, let US Be strong as we can be For anything less Would be untrue of ourselves Help us to be free Free from those beliefs That keep us from being Our true selves

    Try, as we might, still no…

    Christ, let us Forsake, the Christ If forgetting about one you love Could mean loving the world For if we could believe Believe to be free To love and live life To cherish life

    Life, can be all right, with some…

    After these revelations of no fear This ‘serene’-superhero took and shook me to tears I screamed, “What are you doing, what have I done?! Was it something I said, or shouldn’t have done?”

    Egad!  She stopped, but tore around the house Destroying everything, everything in the house I felt rather confused, why would she do such a thing? Did I do something to her, was it something I sang?!

    Then she left as quickly as she appeared With my house destroyed, everything except for one beer I wondered why she’d just come then go Just to leave me to wander to and fro

    Then my eyes returned to this bottle of beer I thought maybe there was a message that was not so very clear I opened the bottle and to my surprise As I began drinking I heard this loud voice, it said…

    Christ, dead Dreamer Wake from your dreams, dear! We can really Be free from ourselves The gods are calling! The christs are falling! Mind is waiting To acknowledge Itself

    But try, as we might There’s still no luck, still no luck

    Life

    Life, oh, what a story Brought, by every story Life, shines on everybody Life, shines, on all life!!! And so they tell me Is, a wondrous thing Life, can be a beauty full of Life, is… All life

    And so they say What makes a day Is, what you do But what’s more Is so much more Your life, can be a star You shine so far!!! And all is with me Life, can show what could be Life, oh how I love thee You, are the only one who can Save me

    Life holds our eyes Life holds our minds Sings, softly Brings light wholly

    Life, can be what we want it to be Life, is a safe place to be Life, can show where love is to be Life is loooooovvvvvlife!!!!!

    And what I take from it I know will not come undone And when it rains It really rains! But I know that it will stop And life will reign again And, end But only for a time Is On my side

    Life reigns Slowly, softly Sweetly

    Life, oh what a story Life, brought by love and glory Life, has so much more to say Life is life

    And life, will Never leave you Life, will Never hurt you Life is the only Light and love You need Oh, baby, trust Our life

    Lies

    Lies, lies Gets your hopes up then Trashes your heart, leaves you in the dark Then expects you to give in Money, greed These are the only things That matter to those with petrified toes Kerosene for dreams

    Stomp on those, that you can “Kill or be killed” the motto of this land Never again, will I try Fool would be I Try and you die There is a way to win in the end If I only could get Love from this pen

    Monster, madness What happened to the faithful of heart? We live in a maze, under a cloud of haze Only to look up to see the dark Ashes, dust Am I excluding anyone? We run from ourselves to pick on someone else To make up for our own loose ends

    Stomp on those, that you can “Kill or be killed” the motto of this land Never again, will I try Fool would be I Try and you die There is a way to win in the end If I only could get Love from this pen

    Livid, rabid I will rule the world some day Y’all I need is a gun to watch people run Leave their breath in the wind Laughter, loser You go find that heart that mends When you throw it on the ground It grows back into her Just to slap you in the face again

    Stomp on those, that you can “Kill or be killed” the motto of this land Never again, will I try Fool would be I Try and you die There is a way to win in the end If I only could get Love from this pen

    Heroines… supermen! Have we nothing better to do? Than to rape the Earth and all its ’habitants What is it we’re trying to prove? Liars, lies They’re all the same in the end Give you false glory, hope and love While only pretending to be your friend

    Stomp on those, that you can “Kill or be killed” the motto of this land Never again, will I try Fool would be I Try and you die There is a way to win in the end If I only could get Love from this pen

    One of These Days

    One of these days I will rule the world!  Nah…. But I’ll build a house and I will chill One of these days I’ll sell a rose to a beautiful soul And I will thrill

    One of these days I will chill One of these days I will thrill One of these days I will laugh At all the things that make me sad

    One of these days My time will come When my heart will have said what it’s done One of these days my dreams will bloom Then you’ll know I’m coming for you!

    One of these days I will chill One of these days I will thrill One of these days I will laugh At all the things that make me sad

    One of these days I’ll see my dad For all it’s worth I’ll make him mad One of these days my ma will see Why it is, I’ve become so free!

    One of these days I will chill One of these days I will thrill One of these days I’ll find my girl She’ll be the One My heart have its fill!

    One of these days I’ll find peace I’ll sell my soul forever on lease Then I’ll forgive myself at last For what I’m not sure of But it will last

    One of these days I will chill One of these days I will thrill And on one of these days My soul will arrive To that place inside

    Blue

    Blue, blue How I love you No other color does the same

    Red, yellow Orange is not blue Purple is not blue Orange becomes blue

    Blue, blue Bright blue No other color does the same

    All Love

    All Love is where cherished roads lead In time we will all be at peace

    Giving, living, compassion in beauty We’ll put the ‘c’ in commune, ~ connectivity ~

    And what’s more, we’ll be fond of all selves We’ll not be the judge of ourselves

    No wars, greed, or inequalities There’ll just be fun, care, and creativity

    Then the world will stop its hurting Animals extend their blessing No one forced against their will Everybody, as happy as chills!

    All Love will care for others Any pain will be shared among us What is done to you is done to Me is done to every he and she

    All Love will fill All Love will chill When we find What’s inside

    Dream, dream with me What we could be All we need Is just belief

    Though the past was filled, killed with war Must we keep repeating this bore? Can we choose a brother~loving way? Resist! – Put hating away

    It’s easy, just reach for the Truth Exposing delusion to its roots A fragrant flower will be born Bringing contentment to us all

    ~

    Only All Love can heal ~ all, love? Can you feel the potential of Love!?

    This is the story of life Though it may cause us strife It’s all about love

    For if we can align Our essence with love We’ll embody The Dove

    ~

    All Love will chill All Love will fill When we find What’s inside Dream, dream with me What we could be All we need Is just belief

    Lost In Love

    LOST IN LOVE

    ‘Lost in Love’ is the first commercially-recorded album of the rock opera ‘Southern Time’. The album is the rock opera’s overture, and designed to garner the support and awareness for our organization’s larger goals.
     
    Southern Time’ is about the need for peace and harmony between ‘the North’ and ‘the South’—from a global perspective. The disparities between these regions and domains, and the lack of willingness from the relatively privileged to reach out, is what our project is designed to address.
     
    My journey, as heterosexual Caucasian man living with HIV in Canada for the past 21 years, has opened my mind and eyes to others’ suffering that goes well past my own. Despite my struggles, despite almost dying in 2009 from AIDS, and as a performance artist not knowing how many seasons I will continue to be around for, the music and story behind my rock opera speak to the global unity we all need to make positive changes in our world.
     
    What would you do if you had the opportunity to make a difference? In addition to my own career, devoted to music, other professional musicians are ready to record with me here in Toronto. As well, I have three talented Ugandan friends who are ready to participate as backup singers in the rock opera’s band. I met them at the 2016 World AIDS Conference in Durban, South Africa, and now the time is right for them, and for Southern Time.
     
    By openly sharing my story and unapologetic songs, I am using what time I have left to speak truth and love to power. I am sharing the stage with friends and musicians with their own compelling stories. We aim to be the very change we want to see: no contrivance, no pretention, and no satisfaction without doing everything we possibly can.
     
    I have the people on board to record and tour as the very incarnation of greater unity between North and South. This is a powerful and important message toward Southern Time’s ultimate aspiration.
    Eva Nakato
    Eva Nakato (sister of Robinah) is a musician, film actor, peer educator, and a young woman born with HIV who has dedicated her life to making the world a better place for herself and others. She was just 10 years old when her mother disclosed her HIV status to Eva. Eva, accepting her own HIV status, but not being defined by it, was to become the longest, most challenging, but most rewarding journey of her life.
    When Eva joined PINA Uganda, an organization that provides hope and support to children living with HIV, she realized she was not alone and could put her knowledge and talents to use. Eva could relay her fears about living with HIV with others, and eventually she started to feel, at least, somewhat normal. By sharing her experience using music, dance, drama and film acting, Eva wants to support HIV positive individuals to live positively, and to encourage HIV negative individuals to live their lives in the best ways possible.
    When T met Eva, he was blown-away by her loving and down-to-earth spirit, and her sense of humor. He was astounded by her ability to make time for everyone in the room, and that nobody felt unloved. T is immensely grateful that Eva has decided to be a part of the Southern Time team.
    Connect with her here.
    Facebook: Eva.Nakato
    About

    Southern Time

    The Next Golden Age Can Begin Today

    “The Native Americans bring us one more gift – this, in the form of a heartening prophesy from the natives of the Andes. According to their tradition, centuries ago, humans took two diverging paths: the path of the condor and the path of the eagle. The condor path, which has come to represent the peoples of the Southern Hemisphere, is associated with the heart, the intuitive, and the spiritual. The eagle path, which represents the peoples of the Northern Hemisphere, is associated with the brain, the rational, and the material. For the past 500 years, the power of the eagle – mental and materialistic – has dominated that of the condor’s spirituality and heart-centeredness. But according to the prophecy, this is about to change…”

    ~ Spontaneous Evolution p. 82-83 ~
    ~ Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D. ~

    ~

    ~

    My name is T. I am from the planet ZyX. I come from a world where there is no famine, war, disease, hatred, greed, environmental degradation, abuse, exploitation, neglect of any kind, and, where everyone lives a very, very long time. But it was not always this way. Our race followed a similar path not too unlike your own on your world, and wound up destroying not only countless lives and ‘lesser’ species, but nearly eradicated life on our planet in its entirety.

    “Through the positive inner transformation of each and every individual,  we restored our world.” ~ Chantrutrise (Zyx elder)

    We learned our lesson though, and now enjoy life, this exotic, beautiful universe to its fullest ~ living in balance with nature and communing in love with everyone and everything we come across.

    Some of you might think this kind of life might get rather boring, after awhile. How do we get our kicks other than from in, on, under, above, around and throughout ZyX?!  From visiting other species like the people of Earth ~ sharing our hard-wrought wisdom so you all might choose to avert certain destruction, and join the galactic party!!

    Now, as your scientists are discovering, cosmological travel, let alone from star to star, can be somewhat of a challenge. There are trillions of sentient species, but for all of us to get ~ ‘down and dirty’ ~ in a peaceful, yet fun-loving ~ if not RAUnChaSTiCuLaSTic ~ way, space-faring using our physical bodies, for the most part, can be a burden. Journeying across the ‘astral plane’, or the HEART plane ~ we embody a being from another world who is crying to be heard.  It is a request from a poor soul we simply cannot ignore.

    “For not only for balance in our own world, but beyond.” ~ ¥ (another Zyx Elder)

    This is how I came to Earth.  In 1991, a poor soul, ‘Dreamer’ (AKA Timothy Bartsch), a fifteen-year-old boy from Canada, in a dream, cried out to me.  I entered his body and mind, and have since co-habitated it with him from time to time.  We have exchanged.  I have learned much about your world, and he has been learning how to use his talents and privilege to encourage, to the best of his abilities, positive change on Earth.  It has been a mutually beneficial time for both of us, though, on occasion, a somewhat terrifying and depressing experience for him. This is par for course taking into account the current state of affairs spiritual on your world. 

    << Dreamer’s story >>

    “I was born in a small city in the beautiful interior of British Colombia, Canada. I was raised by a loving mother and, in ways, a bigot ogre of a father. I was introduced to the piano and cello at the ages of five and eight. I performed well in both and was a high-achiever in public school. I was also in fear of my dad almost every waking moment. Although he wasn’t that physically abusive, he was quite emotionally violent every day. I found the best way to cope was to fantasize about what a better life might be… daydreaming… often while playing music.

    When I was ten, my family moved to Vancouver. The shock of entering a foreign atmosphere without friends or familiar faces traumatized me.  I closed up.  And, because of this, I was branded a ‘loner’, bullied; spending the next few years in abject hell. I dove into classical music evermore as an escape, as an emotional release, a place where I could be me.  I excelled immensely in both of my instruments, though I felt I did not have as much support or advantages as some of my ~ perceived ~ more-privileged peers.

    When I was eighteen, I finally had a girlfriend and a buddy in school. I also had a few musical accomplishments under my belt, and promising prospects for the future pursuing what I loved. This is when I met my first professor in cello to be, who had connections to music schools in Germany, where I wanted to study. And, though I had broken away from the religion of my upbringing, Christianity, a couple years before, I was still in quite a state of rebellion. Besides being a stepping stone to my glorious musical splendour, I saw in this professor someone who upended everything I was told would bring me a good, sedated, and ‘normal’ life.  He was a brilliant musician, profoundly artistic, and knowledgeable of many things esoteric and philosophical. He also spoke four languages fluently and lived in Europe for many years. He was African-American and gay.

    I moved to another province to study with him. After two weeks, I was at this professor’s house, drunk and stoned, receiving a full-body massage from him. As I was about to go back to my dorm, I asked if I could stay the night, knowing what might happen. He acquiesced, and proceeded to give me fellatio. The next morning, I was in shock. I had betrayed everything I was. Here was the hope to my future career that I just got involved with sexually! My father would have killed me if he ever found out.  All my friends and family would be grossed out to say the least. I was disgusted with myself.

    I tried to figure out how to make these cross-hairs straightened out in a reasonable facsimile of truth and happy-endings. God forbid if I told any of my friends and family of the taboo. My only real confidante was a close and loyal friend of the professors. The only way I felt I could manage this inane situation was to lie to the professor that I loved him. He believed me.

    The trauma I experienced with him over the next two years far outweighed anything I had experienced before. But, with his tutelage and connections, I made it to Germany and was accepted into a Hochschule fuer Musik, and thought I was free, at last. My father had died a year into my relationship with the professor. Little did I know that was just the beginning of my life’s unraveling. A month into studies, I felt I needed to be honest with my mother about all that happened, as I was starting to breakdown both mentally and emotionally. 

    She told me to get tested. She heard from a friend of the professors that he had HIV.  I was tested and was found positive. I ended communication with the professor, quit my music studies and  returned to Canada after just one semester,1996. Over the next four years I coped by reverting to the religion of my upbringing, but was quite fanatical about it this time. At the same time, an addiction to pornography began. I became emotionally and psychologically imprisoned. But as I turned twenty-one, I started developing a healthy passion too. I started writing songs and attempting to sing for the first time. The first thing that came to me was the introduction to the song Southern Time.

    Southern Time

    ‘Southern Time, the winds sublime
    A radiant light shines on bygone crimes
    Yet still there is a shadow of hate
    Still there is this shadow of hate
    Northern nights, a time to remember
    The skies alight, the month of December
    Will the rain fall?
    Will the rain fall for everyone?’

    The inspiration for this began as an expression of the incredible impact the professor had on me.  But, what happened between us was just the beginning.  It began a long personal journey of discovery of how people have been hurting people globally since time immemorial, how I have had a part to play in that,and how we as a species might evolve into a more humane, loving and compassionate world.”

    *Dreamer’s story continues on the    page …

    If you are unsure of the facts associated with HIV/AIDS and would like to know more, visit here.

    Never again will the sun go down..

    On starving and unloved children
    On civilians caught in war
    On environmental degradation
    On inequality and division
    On disparities of health
    On hopelessness and despair

    Connect with T:

    Music & Videos

    Here’s Southern Time’s Bandcamp page where you can download T’s music!

    A chronological history of photos and videos to do with Southern Time

    Dec 1, 2017 ~ Last day of Lost in Love’s Kickstarter campaign:

    Sept 3, 2017 ~ Supermarket Freef’all Open Mic:

    June 29, 2016 ~ Presentation by Dr. Tony Antoniou on heterosexual positive men living with HIV in Canada, and interview with T after the show:

    February 17, 2016 ~ Two Interviews by Goldie of Tim Bartsch and T:

    December 10, 2015 ~ T’s Toronto Debut:

    July 25, 2015 ~ 36th Annual Grand River Pow Wow:

    July 12, 2015 ~ Performance at Toronto’s ‘Super Market’ open mic:

    Dec. 24/14 – Jan. 13/15 ~ Toronto open mic tour and reconnection with old friends:

    July 22, 2014 ~ My first trip up the Central Coast of B.C.!!!!

    Feb. 19, 2014 ~ My latest photoshoot!

    Dec. 1, 2013 ~ Well, as they say, “if you first don’t succeed, try, try, and try again”… the story of my attempts to make Southern Time a reality thus far, this video I did at the end of this year:

    Jan. 19, 2013 ~And “T’s Adventures in Perth Part II”:

    Sept. 17, 2012 ~ “T’s Adventures in Perth Part I”.  Enjoy!

    2010 ~ Near the end of 2008, Dreamer got gravely ill and nearly died in 2009. He wasn’t monitoring his HIV, was a ‘dissident’ – refusing to believe in this deathly diagnosis of Western medicine. He went into the hospital at the last moment, and later he would have died. He was in liver failure with central and peripheral nervous system damage and weighed only 95 lbs at his worst. He spent six months in the hospital and if it wasn’t for his parents’ continuous love and support, he wouldn’t have made it. Once out of the hospital though, his recovery was quite extraordinary except for nerve damage to his lower spine which effects his walking ability, which hopefully will return one day. In 2010, Shaz and Dreamer performed at the 2010 World AIDS Conference in Vienna.

    Photos: Vienna and the conference

    2007 – 2008 ~ Dreamer felt strongly called back to this project though quite befuddled in which way he should most positively pursue it. So, when in doubt, but with much will, as people often resort to, he winged it. He brought a very good friend along for this ride after much soul-searching, and by the summer of 2007 they worked the rock opera into a two-person form, and ‘toured’ it across Canada.

    Shaz did a one-woman show of hers, ‘Shiny Ropes’, on the same bill ~ Photos

    2006 ~After that mind-blowing trip that was Southern Time’s first production, Dreamer, wanting respite and retrospection, went on a introspective journey to Mexico City, London, Barcelona, and South Africa where he learned more about the positive and not so positive aspects of life, love, friendship, and the differences, similarities, disparities and wonderment of our world, and himself. His favorite place on Earth he’s been so far is South Africa.  A dear friend there welcomed and escorted him around with gracious hospitality. She was the one who discovered the photo of the ‘tree on the hill’, which is the homepage of this website.

    Photos: Mexico City London, Barcelona and South Africa

    2005 ~ First Production of the rock opera “Southern Time” ~ Dreamer’s first stab at finding resolution and healing to all that happened. He had been playing in bands for four years while working on songs that eventually made up this version of his rock opera. He started writing the script for this a year before he put it on while recording the songs that would be in it. By June of 2005, he felt ready to leap forward and take a monumental risk. After all, he was twenty-nine, not getting any younger and hadn’t ‘accomplished’ anything ‘significant’ yet.  He had nothing to lose. He booked and paid for a hall in Vancouver for seven days in December, setting his commitment in stone. He had to make it happen somehow, some way, though he never had any experience acting, producing/managing a production or singing in a band before.

    Photos: The production that started it all

    Blog

    Welcome to Southern Time’s Blog!! 

    Click on this link if you want to read my posts on www.blogspot.ca, or you can just read them below!!

    Wednesday, 6 December 2017

    From Nothing to Something

    This is what came to me on how reality can be ‘summed up’ as I walked in my park this morning.

    In the beginning, there was nothing, then after awhile, nothing got bored, and so it became Something!

    This was the beginning of creation as some people would call it.

    Then, Something got lonely, being faced with this existential question of how it could be all there is, when it simply was not even anything before.

    And so, It split.  This divine sole Consciousness became many, so that it might experience itself in its many different forms, and so the painful existential question would not haunt It anymore, and so It would feel Love.

    And so, since everything and everybody that exists, has existed, and will exist are all a part of this original One consciousness, everything and every person’s life follows the same progression from ‘nothing’ to ‘something’.

    What is ‘nothing’, and what is ‘something’?  I guess, it depends on one’s perspective…

    However, it is generally agreed by the ‘light’ side of things (as opposed to the ‘dark’ side), that progression into ‘something’ infers that ‘something’ is of spiritual matters ~ becoming more loving, and realizing more and more than one is a part of the whole, and is connected to everything and everyone else.

    But darkness and nothingness still and will always have a role to play in this cosmic drama, for without ‘nothing’, we would never know the contrast, delight, and beauty of Something.

    Friday, 29 September 2017

    Time for Reflection

    Hi there, it’s been awhile.  Ever seem to think you are certain of which direction you must go in, or which love interest is ‘the One’?  Well, this is where I have realized I have been the last year and a bit.  I guess these ‘certainties’ gave me motivation and drive, but it also was the instigator for a massive financial debt and heartbreak.  What I am trying to say is that PRIDE is not always a good thing.  Really, balance in one’s life, using ALL of the faculties of one’s being (critically thinking, listening to one’s heart, being humble, etc.) is the way to go, and not living in a fantasy world.

    I guess that’s it (figuring this situation out as I write).  Living in a fantasy world ~ something I’ve done most of my life.  Not anymore.

    If you want your reality to be a fantastic dream, you better not spend all of your time (and money) in that fantastic dream, but WORK to make that dream a reality.

    I’m getting there.

    Friday, 2 September 2016

    I’m back!!!

    From South Africa, that is.  My second time there!  Last time was 2006.

    AIDS 2016 was a blast!  Met the love of my life, and an amazing group of people from Uganda.  Southern Time’s pathway has direction now.

    Get ready, my core team is formed, the hunt for band-mates is on, and T’s appearances on Earth are about to begin!

    Saturday, 7 April 2012

    The Human Condition Part I

    What is it?  Something that characterizes and defines humanity’s existence, what we ponder, what we do, what we hate, and what we love.  In fact, I think this is what the universe(s) is all about.  Or, at least as far as how much we can see from our current perspective here on earth.  I think this, because I look at all that we know about the universe so far, and I don’t see anything more spectacular or interesting than life and love in it.  Could this be what ‘reality’ is all about ~ awareness?  Not that I don’t think ‘lesser’ life-forms have some form of this awareness, or even ‘inanimate’ objects such as rocks and seas, but that in sentient beings like ourselves, the question of existence is forthrightly put forth.  Why?  The only answer/scenario I can imagine is that ‘in the beginning’ there was nothing, after a while, nothing got extremely boring, so out of nothing, came something.  As in the Jewish tradition, Yahweh, or the ‘great I AM’.  Nothingness asked, “why?”  Something answered, “why not?”  If this was the case, what did/does this entail?

    Sunday, 9 October 20

    Privilege

    What is privilege?  Dictionary.com gives a few definitions ~

    1. a right, immunity, or benefit enjoyed only by a person beyond the advantages of most: the privileges of the very rich.

    2. a special right, immunity, or exemption granted to persons in authority or office to free them from certain obligations or liabilities: the privilege of a senator to speak in Congress without danger of a libel suit.
    3. a grant to an individual, corporation, etc., of a special right or immunity, under certain conditions.
    4. the principle or condition of enjoying special rights or immunities.
    5. any of the rights common to all citizens under a modern constitutional government: We enjoy the privileges of a free people.
    So, basically, as I see it, where one has a relative advantage over another in some way or other.  I have been personally ‘privileged’ in my life to have the opportunity to have light shone on my own privilege, to be made aware of what relative advantages I personally have over many if not most people in this world.  I am white, male, in good health other than the hiv thing (which doesn’t really effect me anymore) and the disability in my legs, a citizen of the First World with all the privileges that entails (I don’t have to work if I don’t want to). 
    But I have other privileges that are perhaps not so outright apparent that with my growing awareness of them, I am imbibed with an incredible responsibility to use them wisely for positive change.  I was raised by and am still the beneficiary of an extraordinarily loving and caring mother.  Something which many people in this world do not have.  And because her nurturing and guidance throughout my life, my mental and musical acuity is quite sharp, and my state of mind is rather sane, now.
    I say ‘now’, because even though I went through harrowing and hellish times with the professor and the following years after being diagnosed with HIV the love from my mother I experienced in my early childhood pulled me through.  But even that hard, horrific time I see as a privilege, for I relate to those who’ve gone/are going through such times.  I have an awareness that enriches my life now like never before.  I’ve come to know my privilege, and have discovered I have more than I ever thought I did. 
    Privilege as I see it is very relative.  My advice to anyone thinking they’ve got it tough is to look at their life and see what they do have.  You might be surprised.
    “There are people so poor, that the only thing they have is money.”

    Sunday, 18 September 2011

    Why Do Victims Become Victimizers?

    Another topic that’s been on my mind for many years.  Quite often people who have been abused in some form or another end up abusing others in a somewhat similar and/or dissimilar way.  Why is this?  As in all things, abuse is relative and viewed and felt from one’s personal perspective.  I think the abused may go down this path to one degree or another in order to understand what the thinking behind their perceived abuser’s intentions and motivations, heart and mind were.  Because we are one, we are at a loss when someone or something takes actions towards us, that we perceive as abusive, would ever do such a thing.  Even if we might do or have done something similar or just as ‘bad’ to another, if done in a different context, style or degree, is perhaps where the real confusion lies?  As it is said, “people often hate in others what they hate in themselves”.  And being taken out of one’s comfort zone may be in some cases what really frightens.  I am sure there are many reasons why victims become victimizers, the possibilities of choices one can take is endless.  And, unfortunately, it is so easy to become jaded.  You would hope after being abused one would never want to abuse another, but sadly, that is somewhat wishful thinking.  People are complex.  Everyone has demons to exorcise and will abuse another indirectly or directly, subconsciously or consciously, intentionally or unintentionally to one degree or another.  What is common sense to me though, is that both victims and victimizers should be shown the utmost and utter compassion.

    Sunday, 11 September 2011

    Because We are God

    Because We are God
    I am not afraid to die
    Though this ego identity may cease to exist when this body dies
    Consciousness which comes from the same single source that all consciousness comes from
    Will never die
    Because We are God
    I have compassion, respect, honor and love for all faces of God
    All forms of life, all people, how ‘good’ or ‘bad’
    Including myself
    Because We are God
    Is what I believe those like Jesus
    Were really trying to say
    Because We are God
    Life has meaning
    I know what Love is
    Because We are God
    We trudge, step by step
    This daily path of sorrow and troubles, joy and insight
    Always as we are
    ~
    Feel free to add to this your ‘Because We are God’ thoughts. Email me them at t@southerntime.ca. If they are in the same spirit, I will post them within this blog.  I will too from time to time as inspired.

    Tuesday, 6 September 2011

    “Assume the Worst”

    Today’s thought/epiphany ~ that saying, “hope for the best, assume the worst” triggered a realization about myself of a thought pattern in which I’ve been entrenched for the last fifteen years ~ assuming the worst of a person’s, people’s, government’s, corporation’s, elite’s interests when what really is their core motivation may be something rather relatively innocuous and even good-intentioned.
    I guess it all started with the betrayal of trust with my professor who infected me with HIV and didn’t tell me he was positive.  That completely shattered my world, my trust in authority and in those who said they loved me.  I became paranoid by the slightest discrepancy in a person’s narrative, medical establishment’s dogmas, political rhetoric, ‘the corporate line’ and news stories.  This fearfulness has not done any outright damage to me or others in regards to the ‘bigger picture’, ie. ‘conspiracy theories’, which I think is a benign fascination as long as I were to not act out in any violent fashion as in the movie ‘Fight Club’.  My health was compromised because I was so anti-authority and suspicious of the medical establishment.  But it has hurt me and those I have loved most horribly and has destroyed what could have been beautiful, many times. Ok.  I’m not saying that one should not engage in critical thinking, nor have in the realm of possibility thoughts of what might possibly, in the worst-case scenario, be a person’s or organization’s insidious intention.  One should be open to all realms of possibilities.  What I am saying is one shouldn’t be stuck, fearing everyone, especially someone who says they love you, and think they are only out to use and abuse you.  This is not healthy and gets you nowhere in life, or love.

    Monday, 5 September 2011

    Speaking Truth in Love

    Those of us who have the power of speaking truth to power need to speak it in equal amounts of love all the time.  Unless we do, it can have disastrous, unintended consequences for those listening to us. We have been given a gift, we must use it lovingly.

    Saturday, 3 September 2011

    Truth

    Had an epiphany this morning.  This one’s been a long time coming.  It’s about lies and its opposite, truth.  I’ve told many lies in my past and have been told lies to by many people.  What is the nature of a lie?  What is the nature of truth?  These are questions I’ve been seriously pondering since I was a teen.  Now I think I’ve finally started to find some clarity with this issue.  I think it is to do with the human condition.  We all tell lies and we all are truthful to one degree or another.  This is where the definition of a lie and of (a) truth really begs the question.  For example, not being open about a subject in your life is a way of concealing the truth, a form of dishonesty, no?  Believing in superstition and fantasy is a way of deceiving yourself and acting on it can hurt yourself and others.  Why do humans need to be dishonest?  I think it is because of the human condition ~ we are here, we are aware and none of us know for certain wtf is going on.  We’re all relatively insane.  We tell lies as form of coping with this conundrum.  One thing I do know for sure though.  Truth does set one free, and one can never grasp the whole truth.  One must seek it from a humble perspective, hearing all sides of the stories to even get a foothold in the door of truth, and freedom.

    Thursday, 25 August 2011

    Welcome to my blog!!!!

    Our world is in a time of transformation, one where we can choose ‘to keep doing things as they’ve always been done’, or to do things differently.  Our destruction might come despite, but if we choose to make serious analysis and attempts at amending our behavirs that have led us to this precarious situation(s) we now find ourselves in, we might not only prevent destroying ourselves, but may make this world a better place to be.  Humanity has been overrun by head/ego-centeredness for the last 500+ years.  If we are to survive, we must remember and connect to what made us human in the first place ~ heart.
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